Friday, November 04, 2005

Sticky Bum Speaks

The Hero of Home Depot speaks out on his recent, umm, sticky situation:
"It was a pretty ugly moment," Dougherty said. "It's difficult to express terror."

He said he wasn't feeling well [It was an emergency, indeed --ed.] when he went into a restroom at the local Home Depot. He sat down and couldn't get back up.

"The more I'd try [try to what? --ed.], the more I realized I'm actually stuck here and this is not a joke," Dougherty said.

For a Halloween prank, someone had smeared superglue on the seat and Dougherty's derriere was stuck.

"I'm just in a total panic," Dougherty said.

He said he had just undergone six-way bypass surgery and was worried when he felt his heart begin to race. He said his buttocks burned and he cried for help.

"I felt like I was going to die."

* * *
His attorney said not only did Home Depot not provide help that day, but that it didn't provide toilet seat covers [helping to answer the big question of how anyone just plops down on an uninspected/unprotected Home Depot toilet --ed.].

"The money issue aside, an apology would be nice," Dougherty said.

The paramedics had to unbolt the toilet seat and carry it out with Dougherty attached.

* * *
In addition to the emotional pain, Doughtery said he still has pain when he sits, as well as, post- traumatic stress that's triggered diabetes [that's some serious stress --ed.].
Although many have expressed sympathy for Dougherty, I've yet to see anyone honor the poor guys who had to unbolt and carry Mr. Dougherty out of the store. That couldn't have been a pretty job. So, here's to you, Mr. Sticky-Toilet-Seat-Unbolter-Guy. It's a dirty job, and you deserve your props.