Bonfire of the Vanities

Hit the house lights. Cue the fanfare. Raise the curtain. . . . Hey, you, steady on with that torch . . . wait for it. NOW! Woooof. And mike: Hello and welcome to the 125 Edition of the Bonfire of the Vanities. By now, everyone knows how this thing works. People write crappy, funny, weird, and/or stupid posts. Those same people then send their c/f/w/s posts to the Bonfire, where they are held out for general public ridicule.

So, without further ado, our first entry comes from Technogypsy. At the end of a virtually inscrutible post (that may or may not concern being stuck with something by Indian women from Garland), we get this:

having read Jonathon's emails about the male-female imbalance, made worse by the tendency of most Chinese women to go to college and not want to marry Chinese men (too demanding...I keep getting asked if I have male student. I shudder to think about when Noah gets older), how long before China decides the Romans had a good idea with that whole Sabine women mess?

Just a guess, but I'd say it will be quite some time before China feels the population pinch badly enough to emulate the Romans. Also on the murder and mayhem front, Dodgebloggium focuses his attention on the lighter side of double-homicide.

Speaking of Rome, things have not been going so well in the Province of Gaul recently. However, one French company is bound and determined to take advantage of its recent surge in popularity. Nickie Goomba has the story on Renault's marketing miracle. Continuing on the economic front, Brian Hong at the Wonder Years reports on a perfidious product recently introduced in an effort to exacerbate world hunger and despair.

Moving on, we find Suzi Chen at Special Fried Rice -- host of the upcoming December 6 Bonfire -- worrying about that which all of us who work for a living fear during winter: yes, vampires. Meanwhile, Mark Rayner at the Squib falls victim to an evil more profound:

He opened his eyes; it felt as though his eyelids were covered with coarse grit sandpaper, wielded by a demented carpenter.

The walls were swimming a bit, and he could just barely focus on the floor, where he could see the empty pizza boxes, Coke cans, and what … was that a pair of panties?

No, Mark. No it wasn't. And it certainly didn't belong to Michelle Leslie, Islam's hottest underwear model -- MyPetJawa has the sordid story (with pictures!). Similarly, Mean Ol' Meany appears to be suffering delusions of romance, and, if not delusional, why get hammered? Delusional or not, do not fear: Spirit Fingers is here to walk you down memory lane with a series of very real photos that feel a little bit wrong but will surely take your mind off other problems. Rounding out this portion of the festivities, the American Mind contemplates just what Page Kennedy did to get sacked from Desperate Housewives, while Brian Noggle brags that his blog is the only search result on Yahoo! for: "how to get your wife to agree to a threesome".

Conservative Cat submits a four-in-one post for the Bonfire, one part of which may prove genuinely helpful for those who have experienced problems with standalone track back pinger. Well, maybe not. The big story here is the mysterious One Pixel Shift.

Blog d'Elisson dissects the art of the Shower as practiced by the sexes. Why is he doing this? Well, it all stems from a Bowery Blow:

You know, the technique of blowing your nose by placing your finger over one nostril and expelling air (and miscellaneous Nasal Detritus) from the other nostril, without benefit of handkerchief. I call it the Bowery Blow because it’s the favored technique of street people on the Lower East Side of New York. Very nekulturny, of course…unless you’re in the shower.

Good grief, man. Just, good grief.

Meanwhile, over at 7 Deadly Sins, the Sinner calls someone else a geek -- get that:

I guess just knowing why this person is important sort of blows by previous non-geekdom out of the water, but at least I am not as hopeless as this guy (from where I pinched the link). I mean, The Coding Monkey? ... come on, really ... [dam, I wish I had thought of that...]

On the foreign policy scene, Peakah's Provocations is impressed that, even if he did walk into a locked door, President Bush still managed to avoid the dreaded Bushusuru. LilPoh submits a diatribe on what to do with the Arab World besides pity them. I don't think he reaches any conclusions, but that's probably because he can't decide what the premises are.

From the society pages, Peace Moonbeam Chronicles gives us a "seperated at birth" tale that inspires mortal terror and Interested Participant updates everyone on Michael Jackson's latest kink. Thanks, IP, just what everyone needed to know . . .

As for human interest, Random Yaks posts on the issue of Turkeys and their feathers. I can't characterize it any better than that.

And the final link of this Bonfire goes to Gullyborg at Resistance is Futile. Gullyborg has managed to attract a commentor so deeply-steeped in Moon-Battery that he has become powerless to shut up. As far as I can tell, the comment continues even now in the 6th dimension.

Well, that's it for this week's Bonfire. Thanks to everyone for stopping by the Chateau, to Kevin and Wizbang for the hosting privileges and, most of all, thanks to the contributors.

Don't miss next week's edition at a host to be named later, followed by the 127th edition at Special Fried Rice.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.