Separated at Birth

Of Kitchens and Filth

I don't usually read the Daily Progress, but any story headlined "Poop Prank Leads to Uproar" is bound to capture my attention. The story is almost too absurd to believe . . . almost. It is definitely too absurd not to post:

A student who defecated in a lunchroom bowl triggered a series of events that culminated in the recent walkout by four workers in the Fort Defiance High School cafeteria, The News Virginian has learned.

* * *

It all began Feb. 9 when two Fort students - including a guidance counselor’s son - bet a third student $15 he would not defecate in a bowl.

That student took the 5-ounce Styrofoam soup bowl to the bathroom and returned to the cafeteria, then placed the excrement-filled bowl on the conveyor belt that hauls empty dishes to the kitchen.

Whose kids go around pooping in lunchroom bowls? Somehow I suspect these are not the kids who will grow up to revolutionize our understanding of quantum gravity. Nope. They haven't yet figured out that (a) you don't play with your own shit (or anyone else's, for that matter -- hell, you just plain don't play with shit) and (b) if you absolutely must, you certainly don't play with shit where you eat (let alone shit in something you eat from). Naturally, via Farkistan.

Top 10 Funniest

In connection with Don Knotts passing, Morrell suggested a top-10 list of television's funniest characters. As I suspect our lists will be a bit different, I'll offer my off-the-top-of-my-head list here. Naturally, I reserve the right to revise as necessary.

10. Luther Van Dam (Coach)
09. Rob Petrie (DvD)
08. Jeff Murdoch (UK Coupling)
07. Hyacinth Bucket (Keeping Up Appearances)
06. Niles Crane (Frasier)
05. George Costanza (Seinfeld)
04. Joxer (yes, I'm serious)
03. Frank Burns (M*A*S*H)
02. Ed Norton (Honeymooners)
01. Bernard P. Fife (TAGS)